Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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