DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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