and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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