drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
