i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
