oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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