I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
