I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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