Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
