Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
