You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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