I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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