I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
