The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize