I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
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Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
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This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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