Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
