i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
