My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
