they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
