just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
