dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
