she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
