Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Did I show you my penis last night?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
