I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
