So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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