dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
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I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
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Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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