If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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