Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
