bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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