I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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