No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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