The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
