After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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