cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
