i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
