I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
