like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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