Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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