Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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