batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
