Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We have so much sex to catch up on
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
