Say something about gay babies.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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