On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize