Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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