Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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