They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
