yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
