I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
