my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
