Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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