Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize