I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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