I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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