he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's always time for handjobs
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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