If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize