I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
