I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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