If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
