Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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