If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
soo... how was my night?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
