she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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