well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
