Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
