i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
