he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize