i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
