Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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