How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
