everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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