I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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