Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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