Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.

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  (513): She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before. http://tfl.nu/zkf3
  Replies (53) Good night (8681) Bad night (966)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks

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  (717): i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks http://tfl.nu/zwks
  Replies (30) Good night (5289) Bad night (693)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!

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  (864): After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?! http://tfl.nu/q1jx
  Replies (17) Good night (1603) Bad night (3967)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.

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  (305): I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him. http://tfl.nu/ngz7
  Replies (19) Good night (838) Bad night (4491)
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  (415): View more from California

  this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.

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  (415): this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/tkiv
  Replies (11) Good night (3954) Bad night (946)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.

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  (630): i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered. http://tfl.nu/mib4
  Replies (6) Good night (2815) Bad night (912)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess

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  (506): Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess http://tfl.nu/9ahd
  Replies (29) Good night (3302) Bad night (1027)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.

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  (502): He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up. http://tfl.nu/onjv
  Replies (12) Good night (1460) Bad night (4117)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter

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  (813): she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter http://tfl.nu/6hrd
  Replies (5) Good night (2587) Bad night (684)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.

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  (770): You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month. http://tfl.nu/j1wm
  Replies (3) Good night (1464) Bad night (657)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.

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  (518): I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures. http://tfl.nu/io2e
  Replies (3) Good night (1661) Bad night (448)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.

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  (334): You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk. (205): Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner. http://tfl.nu/j3pe
  Replies (5) Good night (1948) Bad night (512)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Male strippers are involved. You are coming

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  (850): Male strippers are involved. You are coming http://tfl.nu/f6cz
  Replies (4) Good night (1026) Bad night (372)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.

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  (724): I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters. http://tfl.nu/g29w
  Replies (1) Good night (398) Bad night (508)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.

  (757): View more from Virginia

  i mean i let him but still...

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  (757): So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet. (757): i mean i let him but still... http://tfl.nu/w6qm
  Replies (1) Good night (536) Bad night (391)

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