Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.