why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will