I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.