my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit