Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
