is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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