How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
