he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
