So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
