I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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