im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
