im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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