Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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