watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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